i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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