hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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