Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Randomize
