I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i believe in u and ur pee
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