I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
