I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
