Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
