Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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