Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
