I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You ruined the universe
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
