How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
