The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
