Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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