Pregnant stripper...not hot.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
