omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
