I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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