This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
