I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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