Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
