I didn't shave. On purpose
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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