turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
