just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
