remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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