I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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