I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
