Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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