I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
