So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
