The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
