there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
