I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
