Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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