apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
