She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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