she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
