Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
