right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
