My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
