you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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