ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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