Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
