i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize