hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
