So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
