That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
