just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
