I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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