They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
