Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
