we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
