Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's rum buckets o'clock
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
