God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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