My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
