What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
