Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
