I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
