he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
