Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
