I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
