Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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