Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
