i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
