well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
