I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
