remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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