do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
you made out with another girl for some wings
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
