Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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