I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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