Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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