wrigley field is MILF paradise
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
