Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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