then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
