dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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