Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize