dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
