Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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