He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Come see our sink grown plant.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
